i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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