As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
