A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
