I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
