I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
