she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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