So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
