um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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