Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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