Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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