U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
