check it out our google latitudes are spooning
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
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He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
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I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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