So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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