the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
