I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
