I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize