i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
