I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
