U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
