The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
