Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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