ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
