I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize