whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
