i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
