Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
