well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
How does one acquire holy water?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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