every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
this is an emotional support booty call
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
