508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
