Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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