you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
