people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
