That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
