I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
