Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
