Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
