i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
