Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
