why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
