there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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