The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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