Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
