why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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