I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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