i already hear my dad disowning me
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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