girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
