Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So much rum. So many feels.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
