Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
