That's when you crack a 10am beer
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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