peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
