Moan for me like Helen Keller
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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