you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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