If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
