It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
