Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
