Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
