So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
