My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
