i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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