WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
