Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
