no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
