ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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