oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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