Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My ass is underappreciated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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