Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
