I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
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you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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