Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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