guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
