I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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