i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
