We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
