i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
