I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
