the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize