So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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