I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
