Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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