that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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