so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
