All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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